Dropped the ball

Photo by Wellington Cunha on Pexels.com

Okay, so I kind of dropped the ball on this blog thing but I may have found it when it comes to finding my purpose. It could be too early to tell, but I do feel that I am onto something and I’m hopeful that if my idea isn’t the one it at least will get me closer to what I’m meant to do.

I feel like lately the only thing I am consistent with is inconsistency. Anyway, my son is now 4 years old and my daughter is 13 months old. The messes are basically never-ending. That could be why I haven’t found the chance to write as much as of lately. Or do anything besides cook and clean it seems.

I’ve really missed writing, though. I always do, when I take a break from it. I’m coming to realize that even though I am not perfect at it, expression is my passion.

So where are we at now? I’m currently in a “change” state of mind, if that makes sense. I’m craving more for myself and feeling that I need to put into my own tank a little more than I have been. As much as I feel blessed to be a SAHM, it definitely has it’s difficulties just like everything. I’ve been feeling like I’m losing myself or my identity as a woman/individual and I’m at a point where I know I need to change/fix that. I’m just trying to figure out how?

The fact is, I tend to the needs of little people all day and I’m lucky if I can even get a minute of peace to myself before passing out from pure exhaustion of keeping these little people fed, clean, protected, and feeling loved all day.

Pre-kids I was always what I like to call a “social loner”, an ambivert, a people-person who also enjoys their alone time. In my twenties, I absolutely loved working as a server and bartender and helping people have a nice dining experience, but I also enjoyed my solitude during my weekly trips to a local beach to write, listen to music, and stare at the waves, by myself. People would often ask me, “why do you go alone?” Of course there were times that I invited or went with friends but I went by myself mostly because it was MY time. ME-time. Time for me to think, reflect, recharge those batteries so that I could give more of myself to those around me.

Flash forward to today, I could make what sound like excuses and say, “well, now I don’t have the time, like I used to”. Which is partly very true, BUT we all know that where there is a will there is a way and there most likely is some time during the week that I could schedule ME time alone at the beach. Maybe I should? I guess the guilt of mommy going to the beach without us can make it hard to enjoy my alone time. Nonetheless these days, I find it to be a little more difficult to do the things on my own, that I used to (even going to the bathroom for instance).

As I’m writing this I’m having to tell my four year old to put his little sister down because he thinks he can just pick her up and move her into whatever room he wants when she’s trying to play with his toys. (Insert eye roll)

Okay I’m back. Had to put the little one down for her nap.

Where was I? Every conversation I have these days is similar to this blog, interrupted and wondering where I was going with my point.

This all started last week when I couldn’t sleep one night. I started to take an online FB quiz. You know those corny ones that are probably just downloading spyware to your phone when you click on them? Yeah, so anyway, the quiz started asking about my hobbies and things I like to do for fun. I started thinking about the past. The things I used to love doing. I used to love playing my instruments (violin and guitar), I used to love going to the beach, rollerblading, writing, singing, and so many others. Those days I was working full-time, going to school, and at times taking lessons (violin and guitar) and some of that time I was even in a band. I was busy. I still found time for myself but I also didn’t have two little ones then who need so much of that time.

Lately, I have tried to play my instruments a little more, I’ve roller bladed a few times, and written a few things here and there. It has made me feel better and more myself but nothing has been consistent (as stated above) and I’m trying to find something I can do that gives me a feeling of purpose. Of course raising my children gives me purpose as a mother and a wife. I want something that is for me, for Dayna, for me as an individual.

I started thinking about what makes me happy. What do I love doing? So I made a list. My first love aside from family and friends is music. After that, writing, art, creativity, and helping people. What can I do that could encompass some or many of these things?

Well, I’ve been looking into web design. I noticed that around here many businesses lack a website and the ones that have them are not very user-friendly or professional looking. I want to help these businesses not only create a functional and eye pleasing site but also more of an online presence. I’ve noticed a gap in the industry and also my love for creativity meeting my interest in creating websites. I started creating websites when the internet first came about. I started out on Geosites I believe and created sites for relationship problems and quotes I loved. I had a few different ones. In high school I created a site using HTML from scratch. As I got older I toyed around with WordPress and helped my stepfather Hunter with his site. I also helped Hunter with his social media presence. I would post to his website and then share it on social media. I am a huge advocate of utilizing free marketing aka social media to advertise your business. Most people are online, and they don’t know about you until they hear about you, right? Why not increase your chances by utilizing a free platform to do so?

As a stay-at-home mom, I need something that has the flexibility to work on when I can and put down when my kids need me. I’m longing for something to do that can help my family financially as well as a feeling that I’m doing something I love and contributing to the outside world as well as my inside one.

After graduating with a bachelors of science in business management with a minor in entrepreneurship, I want more. I want to learn more about website design and create my own business doing it. My plan is to obtain as much knowledge as I can first. I am currently in the research stages. Next, I want to reach out to my friends and/or family who own businesses and offer some pro bono work in exchange for portfolio additions. Then, I will create my own site and start reaching out to local businesses to start generating income.

I’m pretty excited about this new venture as it seems to be in harmony with so many things I enjoy: independence, flexibility, creativity, design, writing, and above all HELPING PEOPLE.

My dream has always been to work for myself and thus why I decided to go for the degree that I did. I never thought I would pick business if you asked me when I was a freshmen in college. At that time I was just chipping away at my associate’s thinking I’d have a plan later. My problem is that I could never find one thing that I felt I wanted to do. I like versatility, change, and I loathe monotony.

I like projects or days to be a little different each day. I don’t like the feeling of being robotic. Working as an analyst in a business office showed me that I’m just not meant for certain lines of work. Telemarketing for a short time showed me that I am not cut out for that line either. I enjoy marketing but I’m not into cold-calling people or trying to sell something unless I believe in it 100% and even then it can be difficult for me because if someone says no, I’m not very good at trying to push it on them. I don’t enjoy that being done to me so it’s hard for me. I know my strengths and my weaknesses.

I am a people person and I enjoy helping people and creating great experiences for them. I enjoy creating, designing, and writing.

In closing, this is just an idea. But everything great in this world (including the United States of America was just an idea at one point. I am making it my goal to learn as much as possible for now. Obtain knowledge and then start working toward rolling out my business eventually. Wish me luck!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s